How to tone down a conflict
Look at the Don’ts of toning down a conflict. Go through the short dialogues from “Gran Torino”. Write down which of the Don’ts you can find in them: why are the dialogues not very constructive?
Think of matching Dos for each Don’t. Write them down.
Don’ts |
Dos |
Insulting or threatening your conversation partner; questioning someone’s intelligence.
|
1) ... |
Disrespecting the status of your conversation partner and your relationship:
|
2) ... |
Reproaching your conversation partner without being aware of the whole picture, especially if he or she is in a difficult situation. |
3) ... |
Saying that feelings your conversation partner has are wrong or not unimportant.
|
4) ... |
Rejecting any kind of criticism by becoming cynical, ironic or Hiding your criticism behind Criticizing your conversation partner as a person (e.g. “You are always so loud!”). |
5) ... |
Being hypocritical/ dishonest. |
6) ... |
The conflict star
This star has six points, one for each Do. For each point, write down 1-2 phrases you would like to use to tone down the conflict.
Conflict star
I respect your opinion. But let me show you my perspective on this issue…
I appreciate your concern, but… How do you feel about…? I can admit to the fact that…
This is where I have to draw a line. Please understand that…
It’s important for me to understand why…
I hope you don’t mind my being honest with you: …
I would be very interested to know when/where/who…
To me it seems that…, so the only advice I can give you is that…
I’m absolutely convinced that … would improve things a lot for you.
I can see now why you…, but it is also very important for me to let you know how I feel about …
I must ask you to respect that… I felt uncomfortable when…
You are important to me, that’s why I want to be honest with you about…
As far as … is concerned, I can see why this made you….
As for … I’m afraid there has been some misunderstanding/ my view is a different one:…
I must admit I was really annoyed with you when… It’s really hard for me to say this, but frankly, …
Look at the dialogue assigned to you and the Don’ts that the conversation partners make. Look at the corresponding Dos and try to turn this dialogue into a cooperative one.
Practise your dialogue and act it out.
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